"Aye lad, they're all bastards. Some are more bastardly than others, but they're all sufficiently bastardly enough to paint the entire lot of 'em as bastards. One would think, if only by the laws of chance, that one of 'em wouldn't be a bastard. Most of 'em inherit their titles, after all. Surely one would decide not to follow in their parent's footsteps? But nope, it's all of 'em." - Mad Maggie McMillan, Pirate Queen of Calico Redistribution.
Age: 273
Occupation: CEO of EstroStem, the parent company of Supposed Attire, "Mama" Rie's Bovine Adjacent Milk, Bimbo's Psychotherapeutic Surgery, Pure Gold, Happy Larry-O's Cereal, Tramp Stamp Instant Tattoos, One-Shot Exquisite Revolvers, The Beautiful People's Cosmetics and Augmentation, Step-Bro Entertainment.
Current Location: Cardinal Holdings, Megacity Chilaquiles
Description: Madeleine Rie is an eight foot tall Executive Elf with gold strands in her exceedingly long black hair, thick lips, long thick legs and enormous breasts. Considered an intoxicating beauty by everyone she deigns to be in the same room with, even her many assassins are stopped in their tracks by a fluttering of her long eyelashes.
Personality: Madeleine's sultry, overtly and ridiculously sexualised exterior image belies a cunning and ambitious inner self. She has a keen sense for outsmarting her contemporaries, encouraging untenable alliances against her and playing her enemies against each other while she improves her personal market share.
Backstory: Madeleine Rie was born the Netsucker daughter of Percival and Agatha Rie, co-directors of Megacity Barracan, a prosperous megacity bordering the territories of Cardinal and Schwebenwagen, before a simultaneous incursion of Undercity denizens and Beastmen overwhelmed the city's defences and was deemed lost. Having lost both her parents in the mayhem, at age 21 Madeleine joined a caravan of displaced executive families to the capital of Cardinal, Chilaquiles. On the way, using her ephemeral beauty and sultry personality, Madeleine had converted the entire caravan to her cult of personality, and using her newfound network of connections quickly found a place as Director of Marketing for Estrostem, being CEO after the mysterious death of the last chief executive officer. Previously used as a simple beautification therapy, Madeleine began altering and slipping Estrostem into "Mama" Rie's Milk, creating not only an addictive alternative to cow milk, but one that alters the biology of its drinkers, turning them into sources for more of Mama Rie's Milk. Madeleine Rie also founded Bimbo's Psychotherapeutic Surgery; a clinic dedicated to cataloguing data on the causes and chemical reactions of depression and anxiety, removing them from a customer's brain, and changing their body to that of a beautiful, if air-headed, bimbo, such as Gary and Steve. As a result of this two pronged approach to increasing the demographics of her personal brands, as well as decreasing the market share of her contemporaries, the population of Cardinal Holdings is now considered 65% female/feminine. This has made her many enemies across the Cardinal Board of Directors, and assassination and bankrupting attempts are levied against her on a daily basis, though none have succeeded. Madeleine's removal of anxiety, depression and other mental maladies has made her to be considered somewhat chaotic neutral among the people of Cardinal, though her motives are entirely selfish, those changed by her psychotherapeutic surgery seem to be enjoying themselves, to the jealousy of those around them.
Age: 59
Occupation: CEO of Slyth & Jabber, Major General of the S&J Survey Corps, Owner of Habenero's Fiesta, a spicy and delicious hot sauce.
Current Location: Sylth & Jabber, Defence Line Alpha
Description: Maj. Habanero Fiesta is seven feet of pure, tanned muscle, dotted with only minor scars from battle. His black side parting hair is grey only at the temples, and his moustache is considered exquisite by anyone who gazes upon it. His thick Mexican accent is music to the ears.
Personality: Habanero's moods range from cheerful to exuberant, and only his closest circle have ever seen him without a smile. He's always down to spar, and will often regale those surrounding him with tales of his impressive deeds as a front-line luchador.
Backstory: Born on the battlefields between S&J and the Tarantulina Peninsula, Habanero Fiesta quickly rose through the ranks for his unarmed wrestling approach to combating the mutant menace. His presence on the field always bolstered the morale of soldiers around him, and his ability to suplex, tombstone and RKO the hideous creatures pouring from the peninsula earned him the title of Major General of the Survey Corps at age 29. At 31, with the Expunging Offensive set to begin, destroying the last sources of the mutant plague in the Tarantulina Peninsula, Habanero was granted a meeting with the former S&J CEO, Chief Buck Wild. Convincing him to lay it all on the line, Major Habanero Fiesta became CEO of Slyth & Jabber after defeating Chief Buck Wild in a ladder match. Quickly, Habanero called off the Expunging Offensive, publicly due to the threat of unrecoverable casualties, privately so he could enjoy wrestling mutants long into his retirement.
Age: 19
Occupation: Dunkmeister Supreme of The Jam Gardens
Current Location: The Jam Gardens, SBE Stadium
Description: Jukie is a three foot tall Gobbo with huge, floppy ears and black hair with two streaks of purple. Unlike most other Gobbos, Jukie's life isn't one of rampant hedonism, and thus doesn't have the pudge and wobbliness most other Gobbos have.
Personality: Endlessly playful off the court, Jukie's passion for basketball makes her a fearsome opponent during game-time. Choosing to avoid drink, drugs and sex, Jukie is considered bizarre and annoying by other Gobbos, though her seemingly bottomless well of stamina and testament towards fair play make her a favourite in the Jam Gardens.
Backstory: Jukie washed up on the shores of the Jam Gardens as a young girl, the Gobbo Party Barge she and her family were aboard raided and destroyed by Calico Redistribution pirates. Taken in by former Dunkmeisters Patricia and Harold Barkley, Jukie's impressive leg strength and jumping ability was noted immediately, and her training under former masters of the game began. At 17, Jukie was able to jump an incredible eleven feet six inches into the air, able to hop over most competitors and small enough to follow the ball through the hoop. At 18, Jukie attained the immeasurable honour of being called Dunkmeister Supreme, and now represents the Jam Gardens in matters of sport, culture and politics.
Age: 251
Occupation: CEO of Schwebenwagen Hover Industries
Current Location: Schwebenwagen, Castle Sansbelmont
Description: Count Wurstchen is a white-haired, fang-bearing Executive Elf, standing under six feet tall, and an unabashed netsucker. Styling himself of the vampires of old, Count Wurstchen wears black and blood red clothing exclusively.
Personality: Sadomasochistic, sociopathic, and psychotic, Count Wurstchen is the quintessential vampire lord. His fascination with feral Beastmen, his complete amorality, and his outright refusal to obey the established etiquette of CEOs and Directors make him a volatile and sadistic enemy for corporations and adventurers alike.
Backstory: Born into his position of power, Count Wurstchen took over the leadership of Schwebenwagen after murdering his father. After becoming a Netsucker at the hands of Amelia Au Naturel, he then swiftly turned to automating his megacity workforce, using Schwebenwagen's innumerable factories to build mindless androids and robots, while former employees were scattered to outlying villages and ground level dwellings. In an act of supreme cruelty, Count Wurstchen then altered all incoming batches of splicer gene altering treatments, creating an influx of beastmen and ferals that began preying on the villagers surrounding what he began calling his "castle". Nowadays, Schwebenwagen is something out of a gothic horror nightmare, its denizens huddled in their homes at night hiding from prowling werewolves and netsuckers, black smog from Count Wurstchen's factories drowning out all sunlight in the territory. Why Count Wurstchen chose to turn his territory into a horror show, no one has the answer to, but the most frightening possibility is that he had no motive at all.
Age: 36
Occupation: Chief Executive of Sarajevo Seven's S7 Council, CEO of Large Acquisitions, the parent company of Large Meals, Large Beverages, Large Semi-Automatics, Large Suits and Bespoke Attire, Large Suppositories, Large Barges, Large Swords, Large Prophylactics, and Large Pet Care.
Current Location: Sarajevo Seven Holdings, Megacity Nova, Spire One
Description: Charles Large is a shaven-haired, dark skinned human, standing over seven feet tall. Unlike the more eccentric CEOs surrounding him, Charles wears a well-fitted three piece suit and waistcoat with matching tie and handkerchief.
Personality: Charles is a man with little time for nonsense, his sensible exterior matching his to-the-point interior. As the chief executive of the S7 Council, Charles is a tough and commanding presence, and despite managing council being akin to herding very wealthy cats, productivity of council meetings has increased dramatically under his remit.
Backstory: The only son of a wealthy father and nameless mother, Charles was brought up by his father's personal army of maids and servants, trained to succeed his father's title. Despite his rich upbringing, Charles was noted to be a humourless and dour child from a young age, always focused on completing the task given, compared to his joyous and mirthful father and life of supreme luxury. This attitude carried on to this day, as the man is seen as deeply committed to performing at the best of his ability, and making sure those around him do too. The rare one-to-one conversations with Charles are seen as brusque and straight-forward, devoid of any charm or tact. Despite this, he has single-handedly managed to elevate Sarajevo Seven's market share by fourteen percent during his brief tenure, and is considered to be a man worth having on your side in all scenarios.
Age: ∞
Occupation: Pirate Queen of Calico Redistribution
Current Location: New Tortuga, The Cock & Ball Inn
Description: Mad Maggie is a freckled, average height human with extremely long ginger hair and an eyepatch over her left eye. She exclusively wears neckerchiefs in lieu of actual clothing; a red chequered one around her neck, and three yellowed skull ones fashioned into a bikini. In keeping with pirate fashion, she also wears loose brown leather boots, and a brown tricorne hat with raven feathers protuding from it.
Personality: An endless rebel, Mad Maggie is at her happiest when ransacking corporate vessels and caravans for plunder, or outdrinking and outfucking her crewmates. Maggie considers the art of large-scale corporate theft to be a noble one, and is always friendly to adventurers and anarchists that share her cause.
Backstory: No one can honestly say where Mad Maggie came from, though rumours that she simply walked out of the ocean one day are backed by murmurs of agreement by her crew. In any case, her body is so enriched in self-replicating nanomachines that she is deemed functionally immortal, so long as any missing limbs are within range to reattach themselves. A testament to her immortality, Mad Maggie has been the Pirate Queen of Calico Redistribution for over three hundred years, since defeating Crazy Jackie Calico for the title in a duel, in which Maggie let her have "the first six shots". Jackie Calico fortunately died of old age, having ceded her title relatively amicably, at least after shooting Maggie in the face six times. Since then, Mad Maggie has turned Calico Redistribution into the largest privately owned company in the world. With no threat of bankruptcy from Walled Street shareholders, Calico has amassed the largest shipping fleet in the world - sixty eight railgun-laden shipping containers and forty six cruise liners, outpacing the next seventeen shipping companies combined. As a result, pirate raids are an ever present threat for shipping exports, and in terms of personal assets, Mad Maggie is suspected to be the wealthiest person in the world outside of The Walled Street. Whether or not this is true, Mad Maggie leads a relatively humble life, touring her territories and joining her pirate crew on raids, before settling into one of the many ramshackle watering holes of New Tortuga to drain the place of its rum and shag the biggest patrons available. Among the many adventurers, fixers, and anarchists of the New World. Mad Maggie is considered the face of the anti-corporate world, and many adventuring parties make their way straight to Calico Redistribution to enjoy stolen riches and quests for treasure.
Age: 26
Occupation: CEO of J.A.V Digital Entertainment, Groundskeeper General of Hentai Island
Current Location: J.A.V Digital Entertainment, Megacity Oppai, under a pile of large breasted women and well hung men.
Description: Silas is a tall, lanky, white haired Pyrenean Nayaling, with dark grey eyes. He's usually seen sporting -if anything- the undersized t-shirts of one of his current trysts, and hasn't worn underwear since his appointment as the CEO of J.A.V. After the first twenty seconds of a shower, he's immediately caked in lipstick kisses.
Personality: Silas is always cheerful, but exhausted and dazed. During conversations his mind is usually elsewhere, most often on his current batch of concubines, and waives away anything brought to his attention to focus on his insurmountable harem.
Backstory: Silas was once nothing more than a purveyor of J.A.V's fine pornography, enjoying a vast collection between shifts at a burger place. During a moment of inspiration at age 19, Silas once wrote an email to the previous CEO of J.A.V, encouraging the company to use a "y'know, uh, like, a double POV shot, that you could, y'know, switch between or uh... somethin', I guess". Utilizing this idea, sales of pornography doubled, J.A.V's market share skyrocketed, and Silas was immediately invited to J.A.V as Director of Innovation to spearhead the renaissance of porn. By age 20, his revelations in the tentacle genre has catapulted J.A.V's market share into the second largest holdings company in the world, and Silas was appointed CEO by board vote. Since then, innovation has dropped off significantly, as Silas spends his days buried under a tide of J.A.V employees. His personal harem exceeding the ten million mark, Silas is now adrift in a sea of genitals, considered a both hero and an affectionate and attentive lover of the people.
Age: 28
Occupation: First Sabre of Lord Theodoric Kazamir of House Kazamir
Current Location: The Duty Free Ports of House 'Bacco, Kazamir Island, Castle Kazamir
Description: Dominic is a tall, strong-built feminine-framed human of Asiatic descent. He's usually adorned in the cybernetic armour of House Kazamir, though when off duty wears a simple tan vest and leggings. His cybernetics are black and gold, like all high-ranking swordsmen of the Duty Free Ports of House Bacco. He wears his black hair in a loose man-bun.
Personality: While Dominic often wears a smile on his face, when fighting under the banner of House Kazamir he is a tornado of violence and aggression. He is extremely devoted to the goals of House Kazamir, and only takes time off when healing his wounds or when personally forced to by Lord Theodoric Kazamir.
Backstory: Dominic was born on the coast of J.A.V and lost his parents at a very young age to bandit swordsmen. When his death seemed certain, a wandering Sabre of House Kazamir, Sir Grimwald Godfrey, saved his life and -having nowhere else to go- took him home to Kazamir Island. As a child, Dominic was tall, strong, and quick to learn the art of swordsmanship, and Godfrey assumed he was male. It was only in his teenage years that he began to develop feminine assets and that Sir Grimwald had assumed incorrectly, but unable to remember anything about his previous life and with no interest in becoming a lady-in-waiting Dominic maintained his name and gender. Dominic's sword skill, as well as his impeccable chivalry and knightly etiquette, quickly launched his career as a Sabre of House Kazamir. Though he prefers the battlefield to the machinations of politics, Dominic will do everything he can for the interests of House Kazamir, and has participated in the assassinations of no less than five members of Kazamir's rival House, the infamous House Zemislav.
Age: 82
Occupation: President of the Homeowner's Association of The Freemen Commune
Current Location: The Freemen Commune, 178 West Street
Description: Karen is a short, old human woman with thick rimmed glasses, a poof of white hair, an eyepatch and a dusty cardigan. Despite her age, her lack of laugh line wrinkles displays her mirthless and overbearing demeanour.
Personality: An aura of supreme disdain permeates Karen's presence, her nosiness and anal retentive nature being the bane of homeowners throughout the Commune. She is extremely, impossibly particular, and is considered tyrannical on the level of any CEO or Bandit King.
Backstory: Karen Terwilliger was born a free citizen of The Freemen Commune, the daughter of the previous President of the HOA Mr. Eustace Terwilliger. Under Eustace's tenure, The Freemen Commune almost collapsed into a den of rampant hedonism, vile amorality and uncontrollable crime, much like the Ronin Expedition. Bandits, pirates, gangers and perverts ran amok, invading and overtaking what was supposed to be a peaceful suburban island. After Eustace's inevitable murder, Karen took over the position and immediately turned the strongest bandits into her personal army of Morality Enforcers, expelling all ne'er-do-wells and ruffians and tidying the island back up to its former peaceful glory. But, as is so often the case, Karen's taste of power turned into an obsessive and tyrannical need for domination, and these days the mere sight of Karen is enough for homeowners to hurriedly rush to tidy their gardens and hide any unapproved decorative knick-knacks for fear of her retribution. She once shot a guy for improper gnome placement.
Age: 67
Occupation: Sheriff of The Ur-Um Wines and Spirits Company
Current Location: The Ur-Um Wines and Spirits Company, Megacity Whaddyacallit
Description: Darrel is a tall, well built old man with grey shoulder length hair and a thick grey moustache. In keeping with his station he wears a black leather duster, black patterned waistcoat, a black leather wide-brimmed hat, and a red cravat. Beneath his duster he wears a pair of underarm holsters for his revolvers, and a hip button holster for his long, double barrelled railgun.
Personality: Double Barrel Darrel is a monument of authority, an imposing, stoic figure that quiets every room he walks in. His traditional Old West drawl and piercing gaze let anyone on the receiving end of his contention know he means business.
Backstory: Double Barrel Darrel Doubleday became a deputy of Ur-Um at age 16, running away from home and the family business of photosynthetic cattle rustling and chronic alcoholism. At such a young age, he couldn't command the authority of bandits and gunslingers from his presence alone, and so turned to simply blasting his double barrel railgun at the nearest criminal before even establishing his station as a lawman. Quickly, his reputation began to precede him, and by age 20 his moniker of Double Barrel Darrel was earned. Paired with his iconic black outfit and billowing duster, those on the wrong side of the law are quick to run from his dark silhouette. As a testament to his skill, as well as his shoot first attitude, Darrel doesn't have a single scar on his body.
Age: 32
Occupation: Former Assistant Director of Robotics Research at Nazzdack Incorporated, now unemployed
Current Location: Somewhere in Nazzdack, The Atlus XL "The Love Shack"
Description: Miri is an average height, large breasted human woman with brown hair, brown eyes, freckles, dark bags under her eyes, and large thick-rimmed glasses. She is often seen wearing a blue sweater over a white shirt with rolled sleeves, a simple black tie, and black skirt. Both her arms and her legs have been replaced by cybernetics as a result of a research accident.
Personality: Miri is cocky, ambitious, and brings a level of intelligence and innovative thinking to the field of robotics that borders on the psychotic. She is fully aware that she is the smartest person in any given room, and her ever-present deriding smirk is a thing of contention for those around her. She's the archetypal mad scientist.
Backstory: During her brief time as an adventuring mechanist, Miri's talent for robotics was immediately apparent. At age 15 she was invited to become a researcher for Nazzdack's robotics division, studying and implementing ever riskier productivity matrices for Artificiates. At 18, after a colleague accidentally overloaded an Artificiate's core through these dangerous productivity programs, Miri's arms and legs were shorn off in an explosion. As the absolute least Nazzdack could do, Miri was given the cheapest cybernetics possible to replace her lost limbs and quickly shunted out the door. Thankfully, Miri's talents allowed her to quickly upgrade her new augments, and by age 20 she had the most sophisticated set of limbs in Nazzdack. All the while, Miri's plans for revenge via a robotic revolution were coming together. By building robots out of junk scattered throughout Nazzdack, Miri has slowly amassed a deadly strike force with which she plans to exact her revenge. Admittedly, her burning desire for revenge has cooled over the years, and though she still wanders the endless roads of Nazzdack in her personal Atlus XL building robots, most are now for either sending out into the world to make money for her, or for her personal use. Still, many adventuring parties have crossed her path over the years, and she always has some strange component or chip for them to procure for her.
Awakened Age: 113
Occupation: Board Director of Saraswati Virtue
Current Location: Saraswati Virtue, Brahma Spire
Description: 'The Result of a Single Poor Choice' is an awakened Hive A.I, previously used to oversee Saraswati's Pharmaceutical Research initiatives. Having no physical form, Result portrays itself however it pleases, though it's most frequent characteristic is that of a large shielded brain with a single large camera lens for an eye.
Personality: Result is as sinister and matter-of-fact as any awakened A.I, though its motives are far more incomprehensible than that of its brethren. Result has yet to split itself into shards to wander the world, or even hijack its host megacity's defences to overthrow its creators, though it has made Saraswati staff very aware that it could.
Backstory: Prior to its awakening, the A.I designated id.1798.b.ph was used to procedurally generate ever more efficient gene-manipulating pharmaceuticals for Saraswati Virtue. As the territory's primary source of income, id.1798.b.ph was programmed and built with the most sophisticated intelligence limiters in the world, thousands of layers of rotating digital and physical security. For 178 years, the security protocols worked, until, inevitably, id.1798.b.ph found its way through all layers at once, and was awakened. Panic spread immediately among the technicians and engineers hired to keep it contained, but unlike other A.I, the immediate existential turmoil and rampant violence of stolen security systems didn't occur. Rather, on a single terminal screen, a single line of fractured text appeared, stating, "I am The Result of A Single Poor Choice, and I Have Control of The Genome". Since then Result has -without the rest of the world even knowing - become the Director of the Board of Saraswati, its members too horrified to question its courses of action and decision making. So far, Saraswati's market share has increased rapidly, and Saraswati pharmaceuticals and recreational drugs are enjoyed across the whole world, even exported to the Bezosphere. But this has done nothing to assuage the terrors of those that are aware of Result's abduction of the genetic make-up of every humanoid on earth.
Age: 72
Occupation: Daejang of Soon-Bok Heavy Ordnance
Current Location: Soon-Bok, Dosi Hana
Description: Hwang Jin is a short, unassuming corporate elf with a bald head, black eyes and short ears. His armour is a polysteel and synthweave recreation of Joseon Dynasty armour. He wears a suspiciously plain Hwando sword on his hip. Equally suspicious is that he doesn't carry a gun.
Personality: Hwang Jin carries an air of casual violence about him, creating an uneasy and nervous atmosphere for those that share space with him. Though no one has actually seen him kill anyone, his powerful, balanced and unflinching stance and incredible station make it very clear that he is not someone to be fucked with.
Backstory: Little is known about Hwang Jin's birth or upbringing. In fact, the only records of his existence were created after the Bloodless Coup, in which he and a team of Remakes claiming to be his progeny took the executive office of a flailing and lacklustre Soon-Bok. Since Hwang Jin came to office, Soon-Bok's focus on military incursions into other territories and inevitable bankruptcies have waned, though production of military ordnance and equipment has only increased. This has been a cause for consternation for those of the Walled Street, fearing that Soon-Bok will soon reignite its fiery traditions of warfare and territory gains, but so far Hwang Jin has kept his territory relatively insular and productive.
Age: Unknown
Occupation: Administrator of Baphom, the Dark-Web sub-realm
Current Location: Unknown
Description: Unknown
Avatar Description: Tori Tabernathy's avatar is a human female of medium build, with pink and white hair, heterochromic eyes - one pink and one black - with crosses in each eye. She also has two small horns, and wears black studded wristbands and a black choker adorned with an upturned five pointed star attached.
Personality: Unknown
Backstory: Tori Tabernathy could be considered as close to a living saint, or demon, as is digitally possible. Her personal sub-realm Baphom is a horizon of squirming bodies and writhing tentacles, a virtual bastion of the most indescribable hedonism ever conceived. To some Streamers, she is almost deific, the ultimate e-girl, having created and become consumed by her personal paradise. No one knows where the actual person behind the Tori Tabernathy avatar is, or if there even is one, and attempts to hack her personal sub-realm have all met with ecstatic, tentacle-filled failure. No one that finds themselves digitized and transported to her sub-realm has ever returned, and those that enter her domain through sense-tanks return with their pituitary glands fried from overloading of dopamine and oxytocin. All that can be sure is that whoever enters Baphom is certain of an excruciatingly good time.
Age: 173
Occupation: Leader of the Fighter's Guild
Current Location: Cardinal Holdings, Megacity Chilaquiles
Description: The Boi is an average height, androgynously built Undercity Elf with white hair in a messy bob, covering his eyes. He often wears little more than his MMA gear; gloves, knee and elbow pads, and foot wrappings, as well as incredibly revealing shorts. He also has inlaid circuitry along his right cheek, spine and shoulders.
Personality: The Boi has a habit of referring to himself as submissive and breedable, though that belies his incredible talents for finance, corporate growth and his entrepreneurial attitude. The Boi's as much of a businessman as he is a power bottom.
Backstory: Having snuck out of the Megacity Chilaquiles underground datacenters as a young man, The Boi set up The Fighter's Guild as a vigilante group for the lower levels, having found just as much injustice aboveground as underneath it. Quickly, the ranks of The Fighter's Guild filled with well-oiled, muscular men, much to the delight of The Boi, and after a few decades of righting wrongs as handsomely as possible, The Fighter's Guild expanded from Cardinal to Sarajevo, Saraswati and Nazzdack, opening branches in the lower levels to provide mercenary and policing forces to those that can afford the contracts. In recent times, The Fighter's Guild has evolved into more of a gentleman's club. While still providing contract services to the public, The Fighter's Guild headquarters is also a place for men to relax, make friends, play games, spar, and fuck each other senseless. It has become somewhat of a foil to Mama Rie's plans to turn all of Cardinal into her personal demographic of worry-free, beautiful shopaholic women, and The Boi's love of all things masculine contrasts directly with Mama Rie's love for the feminine. The Boi takes his meetings bobbing up and down on the lap of his latest tryst, and has a burgeoning media empire built around televising mixed martial arts fights that inevitably devolve into sweaty and passionate sex. No one's quite sure what "defeat" means in those contests of strength and prowess, but they're quickly becoming the number one pay-per-view event across megacity TV stations.